Hello and welcome to my blog: Lobespierre!
I’m a pessimist by nature. I don’t just see a glass half empty. I see it half empty, imagine dropping it, breaking it, stepping on glass, and getting some kind of infection. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I’ve been medicated and counseled, but very often the medication made me feel worse, and the ideas presented by some therapists made me feel they hadn’t actually heard anything I had said.
This is an extremely abbreviated version of my life story, and I’ll share more about myself in future posts. The point I want to make is this – depression, anxiety, and negativity have robbed me over the years – stealing away relationships, opportunities, and happiness.
A few years ago, I remarried. Determined to protect my new husband and marriage from my bleak outlook, I set out to not only understand why my brain seemed to deliberately work against me, but also find what would actually work FOR me.
Therapists and physicians who told me, “Do this and you’ll feel better” had never explained why I would feel better, and I wasn’t satisfied with not knowing. Likewise, they didn’t seem to understand I didn’t just want to treat my symptoms, I wanted to prevent them. It was dis-empowering, so I set out to find answers for myself.
This meant going beyond the ‘take this pill’ and ‘read this book’ approaches which only let me manage my symptoms and not actually control them. I decided to pursue a Master’s Degree in Counseling. As I studied, I was finally able to connect the dots between my thoughts and how they affect me both emotionally and physically.
These dots were the missing link between brain and body – the difference between being in treatment and being in control. I may always have symptoms of depression and anxiety, but am no longer overwhelmed by them. My relationships are more intimate and rewarding, and I am able to make a claim I once thought was meant only for others: I am happy.
If you can relate to any of this, I’d like to help. At Lobespierre you will find resources — links to books or articles, things you can try, and even downloadable content such as worksheets to help you on your journey. Keep in mind although we may be able to relate to each other as comrades dealing with mood disorders, each person’s experience is unique. For that reason, don’t expect to identify with every post, but rather take what you need and leave the rest. I will provide information – facts and findings from researchers and experts in the realm of mental health to give you a broader understanding of how our minds work.
I started this blog with two purposes. First and foremost, to share tips about what you can do for yourself. Second, to provide information about why you think and feel the way you do. For me, knowing why was the first step in not only realizing I had a choice, but in believing I had the power to choose.