The Power of Now

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Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

Ever heard the joke “hard work and dedication pay off with time, but procrastination pays off right now”?  It implies there is some kind of reward for putting things off.  In reality, putting things off can be a source of anxiety and depression.  We find ourselves in a cycle of feeling overwhelmed by what needs doing, then feeling guilty for not doing it.

Unfortunately, our procrastination is frequently interpreted as laziness or rebellion.  We end up on the receiving end of accusations such as, “You never get anything done”, “Why can’t you ever finish what you start?”, and “If it really mattered to you” — or worse – “If I really mattered, you would have done it.”  We accept the labels of lazy, uncaring, and selfish and our already struggling self-worth plummets.

The truth is, most of the time procrastination has nothing to do with laziness or motivation.  Years ago, my sister turned me on to a website where I found helpful tips on cleaning and organization, but the concept which really got my attention was that procrastination is actually perfectionism in disguise.  How could that be?

The writer (Marla Cilly) went on to explain it is fear of failure which often prevents us from beginning a task, as well as the reason we get started and quickly become overwhelmed and give up.  Our brain tells us “if you can’t do it right the first time it isn’t worth doing”, or “you don’t have time to complete it”.  We consider the task at hand and rationalize “I don’t have time to finish this right now, but am off on Saturday, so will do this Saturday”.  We feel a flash of satisfaction at having made a plan.  Saturday comes and we rationalize, “I’ve worked hard all week and I’m exhausted.  I need and deserve a break.  This task isn’t critical, so today I will rest and I can take this task on tomorrow or even next Saturday when I feel more rested”.  Unfortunately, “feeling good” Saturday never comes, and as our list of the undone grows, so do our feelings of self-defeat.  We begin to believe the labels of lazy, unproductive, and irresponsible really do apply…and we accept them.

Some tasks can be delayed with little consequence, but if we are already prone to self-criticism, even these small acts of procrastination can lead to big emotional assaults as we tell ourselves, “I’m so useless – I can’t even do this one little thing.”  We become frustrated and confused, particularly if we are well-organized in other life areas, such as work.  We wonder, “Why can’t I be this ‘on top of things’ at home?”

The simplest answer is perhaps you feel mentally and emotionally rewarded at work in a way you do not feel rewarded at home.  Much of the time, our efforts to clean or repair things around the house go unnoticed, unappreciated, or are criticized.  This reinforces a why should I care if nobody else does mentality, which can quickly morph into why should I care about myself if nobody else does?  When this negative thinking combines with our fear-of-failure-based procrastination, it can be emotionally crippling, and it is super-fuel for depression.

Try the following steps to avoid the perfectionism-procrastination monster.

  1. Make a list of tasks. Include anything you feel needs to be done, from pick up the dirty sock to repaint the bedroom.  Use different colors (or whatever works for you) to sort tasks into two categories – those which take less than 15 minutes to complete (-15), and those which take more (+15)
  2. Select one of the (-15) tasks and do it now, then mark it ‘complete’ — use stickers, smileys, whatever – the point is to feel good about the accomplishment, no matter how trivial it may seem, and to consistently reinforce that good feeling each time you add a new sticker or checkmark
  3. Identify those (+15) tasks which are actually projects, such as those which would take a half day or more to complete
  4. Identify the steps required to complete each project. In most cases you will find many of the steps are actually (-15) tasks, which can be tackled one at a time. Sure, it may take a while to complete a project, but every step completed is not only another accomplishment, it is progress towards your bigger goals

For some of us, the temptation will be to continue tweaking our list to perfection.  The Flylady website has lots of ready-to-use lists, so if you find yourself getting bogged down in your own list-making, consider using one of theirs.  As you approach tasks on your list, note those items which consistently get skipped or saved for later, then think about your reasons for the delay.  Doing so will help you spot the perfectionism monsters hiding in your list, and allow you not only to conquer them, but to find empowerment in now.

4 Tips for Avoiding Hurricanxiety

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Photo by Brian Cook on Unsplash

This week’s post is something a little different.  Instead of addressing the way our thinking influences our anxiety and depression, it focuses on how we can avoid increasing our anxiety by not making a bad situation worse.  The 2017 hurricane season has been a monster, and it’s not over yet.  During a recent evacuation, there were several moments where I truly thought I was going to lose my marbles.  Anxiety levels were nearing sky-high, but I managed to learn a few things which kept me sane and made the situation much more manageable.  These are ideas you may not see on the standard “hurricane preparedness” checklists, but which may be helpful in reducing the stress of hurricane season.

BOOK A ROOM (whether you need it, or not)

If a hurricane is headed your way – even if its predicted landing is several days out – book a hotel room at a reasonable evacuation point, away from the path of the storm.  Be careful which website you book from, since many are “pay up front” reservations.  What you want is a hotel with a friendly cancellation policy, such as “24 hours ahead” or “by 10:00am on day of check-in.”  Then, watch and wait.  You will most likely know prior to the cancellation window if you will need the room or not.  If not, breathe a sigh of relief and cancel the reservation within the window to avoid penalties.  If you do need to evacuate, you already have a room and don’t have to compete with the thousands of other evacuees looking for a hotel at the last minute.  If you have pets, be sure to book at a pet-friendly hotel.

FUEL UP

During Irma, hundreds of thousands of Floridians passed through our small town.  Due to the influx of evacuees, by the time an evacuation was ordered locally, there were limited resources for residents.  Gas pumps all over town were empty, and people were lined up at every station waiting for petroleum trucks to arrive and replenish fuel supplies.  At the start of hurricane season, get a couple of 5 gallon gas cans, fill them up, and make sure you have a way to attach them to the outside of your car such as a bumper rack or a roof rack.  Basically, you want to ensure you have enough gas on-hand to reach your evacuation point, or at the very least to get you out of town.  Be sure to refill your cans whenever you find a station with gas.  The shortage is likely to extend beyond your hometown along the most popular evacuation routes, and it doesn’t end just because the storm has passed.  The same flood of evacuees has to return home, and people are running generators.  A lot of people run out of gas during evacuations.  Don’t be one of them.

VACUUM PACK

There is a lot of stress involved in deciding where to store your things when the places you usually store them are threatened by water and wind damage.  Consider buying some vacuum bags and keeping them on hand for hurricane season.  These serve two purposes: First, if you have to leave things behind, you can store your most precious items in these bags, vacuum seal them, and put them where you think they’ll be safe.  The vacuum seal removes extra air and allows you to stack or stuff the sealed bag into the attic, on top of a dresser, or to fit several seals bags onto an upper shelf.  If you are evacuating people and pets, space is precious in the car.  Consider vacuum packing your clothes instead of big bags or suitcases.  You can borrow the hotel’s vacuum to repack when you go home.  NOTE: During Irma, I was travelling with 3 adults and 3 pet carriers.  I was able to slip the vacuum packs under the pet carriers to save room, and we all rode comfortably — or as comfortably as possible under the circumstances.

DON’T RUSH

This may sound nuts, especially if you’ve been ordered to evacuate, but what I mean is don’t wait until the last minute to prepare.  Don’t wait until the day the storm is supposed to make landfall to hit the road, and when you do hit the road, you can avoid major traffic congestion by taking some back roads when available.  Take the time before you evacuate to map out alternate routes.

When you are on the road and in bumper-to-bumper traffic, don’t be afraid to pull off if you need a break.  I heard myself saying, “We are not exiting this freeway” and then I realized how ridiculous I was being.  With thousands of cars on the freeway, making a pit stop really doesn’t make any difference.  If you need to pee, stop to pee.  The situation is difficult enough without making yourself even more uncomfortable.  Granted, there may be a lot of people at the rest stop, but make the best of it by stretching and catching a breath of fresh air before returning to the car.  Then, if at all possible, avoid heading home the day after the storm hits.  Give yourself an extra day in order to avoid freeway gridlock.  You’ll be glad you did.

These are just a few simple things which proved beyond value for me and my fellow (and some furry) evacuees.  If you’ve learned something from your own hurricane experience – something other than the typical “stock up on non-perishables, water, batteries, and so forth – or if you find any of these tips helpful, I hope you will share them in the comments.

A Potential Problem

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Photo by L Boatwright

“James” is a Billy Joel song from the 70s.  It’s the story of childhood friends, one who fulfilled his own dreams and another who tried fulfilling everyone else’s.  Has anybody ever told you that you weren’t living up to your potential?  (Don’t you just hate that?) There are always areas in our life where we could stand a little improvement, but there is a difference between self-improvement and living up to potential.

Self-improvement is self-driven – we identify an area of improvement within ourselves and set about changing our thoughts and behaviors in order to improve in that area.  Our potential is rarely up to us, but rather is told to us by other people.  In other words, we are expected to meet somebody else’s expectations.

Very often, there is a mixed message here – one which fuels frustration and depression for many.  It starts in childhood, sometimes with comparisons such as why can’t you get good grades like your brother or you should try to be sweet like your sister.  The comparisons continue into adolescence and adulthood.  So-and-so’s kid is going to school to be a doctor — when are you going to do something with your life? or When I was your age I was already married – when are you going to settle down?  Regardless of the comparison, the implication is we are not good enough because we aren’t…well…somebody else.  The comparisons frequently come with a confusing and contradictory I love you the way you are…now please change the way you are type of message.

We learn early on to compare ourselves to others and in doing so frequently find we are falling short.  We begin to feel less than and dissatisfied, constantly pressuring ourselves to keep doing until we are good enough, then never believing we are good enough.  How then can we avoid the trap of perpetual potential?  Start by examining motives – yours and those of the people you feel are pressuring you.

You can determine your own motives by asking if the expectation you have put on yourself is truly self-driven and self-realized, or if you are simply trying to please somebody else.  If the purpose is rooted in ‘self’, then ask yourself is this something I actually wish for myself, or is it based on my own comparison of myself to somebody else?  Keep in mind, it is one thing to respect a particular quality in another person and seek to build that quality within ourselves.  However, doing so can become unhealthy when we lose sight of the area of improvement and instead begin a fruitless cycle of attempting to be more like somebody else.

Examining another person’s motives can be tricky, partially because they may not even be aware of them, or may be unwilling to admit their reasons for them.  One question worth answering is: is this something they wanted to achieve themselves?  People will often project their own unrealized hopes and dreams onto those around them in an effort to vicariously enjoy the experience they themselves missed out on.  Also, ask yourself if the other person’s expectation matches your own self-improvement goal.

Sometimes it won’t.  When that happens, you may try explaining why that particular goal doesn’t fit into your current plans.  But, let’s face it, some people cannot take “no” for an answer, especially if they think they are “helping you” into being a better whatever.  In those cases — particularly where the person keeps pressuring and pressing those depression and low self-worth buttons in your brain – you may want to consider ending the relationship.  In cases where you are stuck with the person, you might do your best to avoid the subject or quickly change it should they bring the topic up.

The bottom line is, when we try to live up to someone else’s idea of our potential, we will most likely find ourselves feeling inadequate and unfulfilled.  Identify your own idea of potential, set your own goals, and then go for them.  If somebody else’s expectations match yours, hooray!  When they don’t align, try not to sacrifice your own peace of mind by worrying about whether or not you will ever fulfill – in the words of Billy Joel – “…someone else’s dream of who you are.”

 

 

From Rumination to Resilience

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Photo by LBoatwright

Some people in this world are amazingly emotionally resilient.  They appear to bounce back from failures, criticisms, and rejections with very few psychological scars.  At the other end of the human spectrum are those who seem to absorb every hurtful word and experience, frequently ruminating over the worst moments of their lives like a bad news reel.  I have always envied the resilient ones, often finding myself at the receiving end of their well-meaning “just snap out of it” advice, and just as often wondering why I couldn’t just snap out of it.

Rumination – like resilience – lives in the brain, and most people are born predisposed to one or the other.  For some, the negative-thinking centers of the brain are stuck in “on” mode, sometimes from early childhood.  This can be caused by a combination of an overactive basal ganglia – which control’s the brain’s “idling speed” and dysfunction of the limbic system – which controls mood.  In other words, some brains get stuck in negativity and then rev up the engine on self-destructive thinking.  These people are at high risk for anxiety, stress, isolating, and other depressive disorders.

Why Do We Ruminate?

Negative thoughts are unannounced, intrusive guests.  They seem to pop up out of nowhere – little flashbacks – bits and pieces of events we wish we could forget.  All too frequently, rather than dismiss these memories as the annoying little ANT’s they are (Automatic Negative Thoughts), we dwell on them.  In some cases, we lie to ourselves, believing we are mentally revisiting the event in order to learn from it and avoid a similar disaster in the future.  In truth, we are wishing we could go back and change the past.  These flashbacks are loaded with “if onlys” – if only I had said this, if only I had walked away from it, if only I hadn’t done that.  We dwell on them out of a need to self-punish.  While it is true there are consequences for any action, self-punishment typically extends far beyond any actual consequences.  We do it because at our core something tells us we deserve whatever happened, we deserve to be unhappy, or we are undeserving of second chances or brighter days.

How Can Ruminators Become Resilient?

The key to conquering rumination lies in learning to practice emotional health, and practicing deliberate diversion.  Pay close attention to your thoughts and recognize those which are attached to negative feelings and thinking patterns.  Keep in mind there is a difference between self-disciplining and self-punishing.  Be certain your brain isn’t tricking you by disguising self-punishment as discipline.  Discipline corrects, and in order to become resilient, we must correct negative thinking patterns.  Make a list of things you can do for two minutes: listen to an uplifting song, prepare a cup of tea, take a quick walk around the outside of the house, etc.  When you find yourself dwelling on past hurts, say “no!” to yourself and implement one of your two-minute diversion tactics.

More about Emotional Health

This TED Talk about Emotional First Aid by psychologist Guy Winch is one of my favorites.  In it, he explains why we should place equal importance on our physical health and emotional health.  Just two minutes is all it takes to start overcoming this pain – two minutes to begin healing both self-inflicted and others-inflicted emotional wounds.  I hope you’ll take the time to watch it, and that you find something helpful in it: https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene

For more on ANTs, I recommend Dr. Daniel Amen’s book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.

Sense and Inability

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Photo by J. Thomas

The past six months have been a bit of a roller-coaster.  I completed my Master’s Degree, then got downsized from my job of 11 years.  I found a new job, but had to temporarily leave my family behind in another state in order to begin work.  Fortunately, every down has had its up, but it has truly been emotionally draining and I have found it difficult to relax and set my mind to doing anything – even the things I love to do – which is why this blog has been somewhat neglected over the past few months.  Why is it during those times we most need to be kind to ourselves, we seem least able to do so?

The depressive or anxious brain has many less-than-useful talents.  One is an ability to sense inability in nearly any situation.  When the unexpected bad happens, our lives become a bit like the broken horse on a merry-go-round – we feel stuck while life continues to spin on around us.  We start to forget we have choices because we are so focused on our problems we can’t see the various paths ahead for us to choose from.  When this happens, we allow our troubles to drive us forward rather than our strength and ideas.  Worry can quickly become a habit if we allow it to take over too much territory in the brain.

Another not-so-useful skill is the brain’s ability to take the energy we need for dealing with the issue at hand and diverting it into a hurtful self-assault.  Instead of attacking our problems, we attack ourselves with thoughts like, “I should’ve known this would happen”, “I deserve this”, “I’m such an idiot” and more.  This negative self-talk can be debilitating.  It simultaneously fuels our depression while halting our effectiveness.

In order to silence the naysayer of the brain, we need to be able to recognize negative self-talk as soon as it begins, then be ready with our counter-attack.  This is where some thought-stopping or thought-delaying techniques can come in handy.  Thought-stopping is useful when you are trying to stop a particular train of thought or eliminate a harmful thinking pattern.  Thought-delaying is helpful when you are trying to rest, relax, or focus but your thoughts won’t let you.

Thought-Stopping

Suppose you have recently gone through a painful breakup and find yourself thinking about your “ex” morning, noon, and night – or perhaps you are trying to give up a bad habit or addiction.  First, select a personal happy place such as a quiet beach, flowery meadow, or peaceful woods — whatever image calms you or makes you smile.  The next time unwanted obsessive or recurring thoughts arise, imagine flipping a switch in your head.  Imagine you are turning off the power to the unwanted thoughts and turn on thoughts of your happy place.  Sometimes it is helpful to even say “no” to yourself when you want to stop the intrusive thoughts.   This thought-stopping method empowers you by interrupting the unwanted train of thought and replacing it with something positive.

Thought-Delaying

If you’ve ever rested your head on the pillow at night, only to have your mind catapult itself into a hundred different things to worry about, try using a thought-delaying technique.  Start by keeping a pen or pencil and some paper near the bed.  At the top of the page, write “For Tomorrow” and as each worry comes, write it down and say to the thought “I’ll deal with you tomorrow”.  This little exercise prioritizes your thoughts (“rest now, worry later”) while providing reassurance you won’t forget about these things because you have written them down.  Some of our problems are absolutely legitimate and real, but sometimes – particularly in times of stress – minor issues feel and appear worse than they really are.  Thought-delaying may take some practice, but after trying it a few times you are likely to find when the new day begins, some of the previous night’s worries are far less overwhelming.

 

Anxie-tea

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We all know life is good at throwing us curve balls.  Some of life’s difficulties — such as the death of an elderly relative or a child going off to college — although unpleasant, are not entirely unexpected.  The real curve balls are those sudden shocks to the system – finding out you have cancer, losing your job, a breakup – that are like suddenly being hit in the face with a steaming cow pie.

Some people expect trouble all the time, living with a constant burden of fear and worry.  Just watching the news for a few minutes should be enough to convince anyone these worries are not completely unfounded or unreasonable.  Bad things happen regardless of whether we’ve been naughty or nice.

Getting caught by surprise can send a shock wave through our coping systems, overloading us with worry and regret.   The result is often a fear of trying new things.  New relationships, careers, adventures – all are avoided because of an inner voice which echoes, “You remember how badly things ended last time, don’t you?

To say you can learn to expect the unexpected would be untrue.  Someday, bad news is apt to hit you like a bolt of lightning, and it will totally suck.  But living with the expectation of trouble also sucks; it sucks the joy out of life.  So how can we weather life’s storms today without losing hope for tomorrow?  The key is in preparation, not expectation.

People in the Gulf Coast often keep a ‘hurricane kit’ on-hand.  Those in the north often have extra supplies on hand for surviving blizzards.  For weathering those soul-crushing storms of the psyche, there is much comfort to be found in small, seemingly mundane tasks.  As an avid fan of British mystery shows, I often wondered why nearly every crisis was met with somebody saying, “I’ll put the kettle on.”  Tea was made and cups poured, but frequently untouched.  After a particularly trying day, I decided to test this peculiarity out for myself and I discovered something: the act of drinking tea is less important than the act of making it.

There’s nothing complicated about making a cup of tea, but something magical happens while we do it.  The part of our brain which handles repetition and sequence is engaged, granting us a temporary reprieve from the anxiety centers of the brain.  Granted, stopping to make tea doesn’t resolve the major issue at hand, but it does allow us a moment to catch our breath.

Try imagining the brain as a file cabinet, with the front files in disarray and those in back in perfect order.  So often, an event takes us by surprise and we feel completely powerless.  This is the front of the file cabinet, but very close behind is order – those things we CAN control in a time where everything feels quite out of control.  It may seem odd to claim there is power in making tea or coffee, or doing laundry, or any number of ordinary household tasks, but indeed there is.

When a crisis comes, allow yourself to stick with some small habit, even if it means encountering some disapproval from the people around you.  If you normally go for a walk every day, try sticking with it even if you have to limit your time.  If you write or journal each day, go ahead and write, even if the topic is how you don’t feel much like writing.  Feeling anxious?  Make a cup of tea or coffee.  Make several if it helps you feel better; nobody says you have to actually drink them — sometimes just holding the warm cup can be soothing.  The point is to focus – if only for a few minutes – on the back of the file cabinet.  The problem of the day may still need to be addressed, but you will be better able to deal with it because you’ve found yourself some breathing room.

 

Election depression, anyone?

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Adams Beach, FL (DB)

This election is getting to me.  I’ve have always enjoyed keeping up with both local and world events — until recently.  These days, if I tune in to talk radio, watch news on TV, or read a few stories online, I typically end up feeling sad, angry, or both.  What is it about this election season that is triggering depression in so many of us?

The media have learned to cater to humanity’s baser instincts by using a “shock and aww” approach to reporting.  News programs begin with shock: scandals, murders, natural disasters – then in the last moments of the show there is playful banter between the news anchors or a cute animal video.  It is an extremely effective hook into our morbid curiosity followed by a comforting pat on the head which subtly coaxes us to tune in the next day.  But what effect does it have on those people who are preconditioned to absorb negativity?

Consider what has been on the Internet lately.  Social media feeds are full of headlines designed to tap into our fears by trumpeting countless horrors which await us depending on who gets elected.  Members of both parties carelessly sling mud at each other, oblivious to how many innocent bystanders get splattered by their mess.  This election has been reduced to two gorillas flinging poo at each other, and it stinks… but it’s great press.  There are several ways this sensationalist-style of media bombardment taps into the human psyche, and can easily be converted into fuel for the depressive brain.

The brain’s filter does not sort input by facts or events, but rather by the emotions attached to them.  Seemingly harmless things like smells, songs, and sayings can trigger overwhelming and even unexpected emotional responses to current experiences.  In many cases, years of filtering and living life have buried some original events deep in the recesses of the brain.  In fact, we may no longer have conscious recall of them, but instead experience very real and NOW feelings related to an often distant, long ago event.

However, for some people the memories triggered by a media overload are quite vivid and are every bit as distressing today as they were years ago.  We are surrounded by data input – news ribbons on Internet browsers, social media, television, radio, magazine covers, newspaper headlines, athletes and celebrities functioning as political mouthpieces.  It’s enough to not only make a person want to bury their head in the sand, but to hide all the shovels!

So, how can we avoid a media sensory mind blitz and Election Depression?  The solution sounds simple enough: Tune it out.  This may seem easier said than done, since social media is the only thing preventing some of us from a near total withdrawal from humanity.  When we are feeling low, maintaining that connection to the outside world is important — even a virtual one.  Equally important is the information absorbed from that connection.  This doesn’t mean permanently unfriending or “un-liking” people or things which interest you, but rather temporarily removing some things from your view – particularly if you are currently going through a rough patch.  Change your home page to something which makes you feel good or at the very least won’t make you feel worse.

The results of this election will not stem the tide of media madness one way or the other.  Like a ferocious dog that has discovered free meat, news outlets will lead with the most debaucherous and spirit-crushing headlines as long as there is money in doing so.  Find ways to counteract the daily dirt with something soul-cleansing and uplifting.  Living with depression can be difficult enough.  Keep it from getting worse by making small, simple changes which shield you from the onslaught of negative messaging.

 

 

 

Time to Worry

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Photo by Heather Zabriskie (www.unsplash.com)

There is a song by Mark Knopfler called “Why Worry” on the Dire Straits album Brothers in Arms.  This is the chorus:  

“Why worry?  There should be laughter after pain

There should be sunshine after rain

These things have always been the same

So why worry now?”

For many it seems quite simple; this too shall pass, life will be rosy again, and troubles will cease.  However, for some, worry takes a foothold in the brain.  Instead of making a hasty departure when a problem has righted itself, it latches onto one thought and then another until it becomes a chronic condition.  When this happens, worry can easily be mistaken for normal thought patterns.  In fact, the question becomes “Why NOT worry?”

How can you tell when thinking has morphed into worry?  Trace its path.  Healthy thinking follows a path and eventually reaches a stopping point, or destination.  There may be turns, U-turns, and even wrong turns along the way, but at some point the train of thought reaches the station.  Worry is an enormous, meandering loop which also has its share of turns, but never actually leads us anywhere but to more worry.

Despite never reaching a destination, the outcome of worry can feel very finite, which is why depressive and anxious brains are susceptible to it.  Worrisome thoughts can trigger those emotions tied to experiences long past and buried deep in our memory.  We may not be able to recall the particular experience, but because the current correlating emotion is so strong, the thought becomes valid.  Over time, as one worry leads to another, it begins to guide our behavior and take over our lives.

Can a worrier ever stop worrying completely?  I would be lying to you if I said, “Yes”.  Bad things happen, and when life seems uncertain, it is only natural to worry a little bit.  Allowing yourself to worry a little bit is the key to bringing joy back into your life.  Just as controlled burns are sometimes necessary to preserve a forest, controlled worry is necessary for preserving our peace of mind.

The key is: Worry a little bit.

Try scheduling your worry.

  1. Schedule 10 minutes a day for worrying. Try not to schedule it first thing in the morning or just before bedtime.  You don’t want to start or end your day worrying – at least not anymore, right?
  2. Get yourself a notepad and carry it with you throughout the day
  3. When you find yourself worrying, write the problem down in your notepad
  4. At the appointed worry time, review the things you wrote down
  5. When time’s up, tear that page out and throw it away

Don’t worry (sorry!) if you write the same thing down day after day.  The point is not to solve every problem, but rather to stop allowing worry to control your thoughts.  Consider scheduling worry time just before your bath or shower.  That way you can decompress and wash the day’s worries away.

Scheduling time to worry may sound counter-productive, but it works by putting you back in control.  By writing down your worries and designating an appointed time for them, you allow yourself to quickly refocus on whatever task is at hand.  You also reduce worry about worry.  Ever had trouble falling asleep because you were troubled?  The next night, did you find yourself reluctant to even lie down because you were certain you’d have another night of worrying?  No more!  Write it down and say, “Good night.  I’ll see you at your next appointment, and not a minute sooner.”

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